The crown has been passed! The Pheromone Queen has found that special someone and moved onto greener pastures or at least pastures lined with candles, roses and an abundance of heart shaped chocolates. She's left poor old single me to take the reigns and participate in some man-handling.

So what's my story. I'm 25 and newly single after being with a guy I thought could be 'the one' (whatever that is)! Sounding a little bitter? Ha not at all. No really, I'm back on the dating scene, embracing my single status and putting myself out there as the new year approaches. It's a year filled with opportunities and new challenges and I'm choosing to embrace them and move forward full steam ahead. So get ready Style readers and fans of all things a little sassy and far too sexy cause the Promiscuous Princess will be setting Brisbane on fire and sharing all the racy deets (except the ones that occur under the sheets) with all of you!

My last relationship was a beautiful one and didn't end badly but the experience did teach me that sometimes love simply isn't enough. This new found enlightenment has made me rethink the choices I make in men or at least up until now, boys! Older men seem to be the answer as to why I'm experiencing a lack of lasting love in my life because men/boys of my generation (generation Y) just don't seem to have "figured" themselves out (like who has). After too many wines and many conversations with my girlfriends and gay friends who have all had similar experiences I think the new mid life crisis for many men is at the age of 25. They just seem to get scared! So therefore, my mother and I have decided my next big relationship should be with an older man. My father is 13 years older than her and they've seemed to make it work so I'm going to put her theory to the test especially considering the predicament I've recently found myself in since being back on the dating scene. 

The predicament is and the question I'm putting forward to readers and please comment as I'd love to hear your thoughts is why are guys of my generation not asking girls out? It appears chivalry is dead and asking a girl to 'hang out' or 'come over and watch movies' is the new thing. Excuse me men of Brisbane, I'M HUNGRY and it's not for love but simply a meal cause you all seem to have forgotten food in the dating equation well even organising a date to begin with. Also how am I supposed to write a dating blog when you're not asking me out on a proper date; hang outs and watching movies in your bedroom do not count. I don't need to be wined and dined, a simple classic chicken wrap meal from Nandos, extra hot with lots of peri peri dusting will suffice, as long as it's going in my belly and we're having a decent conversation. I don't want to go over to a guys house I hardly know, meet his flat mates who idly ogle at me for a few minutes until they return to playing their video games, then my date proceeds to lead me to his smelly bedroom where there are 'socks' all over the floor to watch a movie.. all this and not even a cocktail and my extra hot classic wrap meal. What am I thinking? So please ladies tell me if this is also happening in your world cause I'd hate to think I'm the only one! I'm looking forward to a break over Christmas where I'll be soaking up some rays back in my hometown of Noosa and then off to Sydney to ring in the New Year. Perhaps a change of scenery will do my love life a world of good. Until 2012 ladies...

Well this pheromone queen has some exciting news to report.  I am officially out of the dating game having met a gorgeous man back in July.  I did tell you to “watch this space” in one of my earlier blogs.

So really all I can offer is “mush” at the moment which won’t help you serial daters out there. I am just not getting amongst it and have now resorted to cosy cuddles on the couch watching DVD’s instead of bar hoping in search of Mr Right.  He was on my doorstep the whole time, who’d have thunk it!  Ahhh!  (Sick bucket anyone?)

Don’t despair though, I am handing over the reigns to a new “dating guru – pheromone princess?” who I’m sure will regale you with a fascinating insight into dating in the “twenty-teens”.  

There are numerous theories at the moment regarding the laws of attraction, a thought belief that “like attracts like” or that you can attract into your life whatever you wish for. For some time now I have been wishing for George Clooney but so far I haven’t succeeded in sending him the right signals to make a personal appearance, but as I write this, he has dumped his gorgeous Italian girlfriend and I could be next in line.

Well, maybe that thought process needs a little work, but I live in hope.   BUT, saying that I do agree with some aspects of the theory. Over the last 3 months I have embarked on a total body challenge, lost weight and got fitter, and in doing so feel differently about myself and feel more in charge and confident.  Whatever it is that I am “putting out there”,  I can tell you that it is attracting the opposite sex and even some with good prospects.

I don’t want to bleat on here about how good I feel but I believe if you feel  that you are not worthy of love,  then the universe will respond accordingly and perhaps deliver you no love in return.  Thinking positively about yourself, the universe will deliver back to you positivity through other people and other things in life, and sometimes in ways you don’t expect. 

Simple things can put your positivity out there, like saying hello or smiling when you walk past someone, a smile can be contagious and when someone smiles back it makes you feel good. Start up a conversation with someone (as difficult as that is for most of us) it is empowering and who knows where it will lead. 

And George, if you’re reading this and you want to catch up just pop your mobile number in the comments……………..

Normally when someone invites me over for dinner at their place, I assume that they will cook. Sometimes that’s not the case, let me share with you a couple of experiences of the home cooked dinner date variety…

“Paul”, who lived out at Sandgate, invited me over for dinner and a movie at his place.  When I arrived he was still dressed in his work gear and was hastily throwing together a plate of “nibblies” in the kitchen.  I excused myself to use the bathroom and couldn’t believe the sight that awaited me in there - candles were burning, floor heater was on and warming up the room and the bath was full and smelling of oils and scent (just the rose petals were missing).  It kind of threw me as we hadn’t advanced to this point in the relationship (we’re talking third date here).  Anyway after a brief chat on the deck he promptly left me to take his bath and that was the last I saw of him for the next half hour.  What the?  When he did emerge he was wearing flanno pajama pants, an old and threadbare footy jersey and slippers.  Seriously, dude, don’t go to any trouble.  He then handed me the pizza delivery menu…

Then there was “Peter” who lived in Oxley. He invited me to dinner but somehow, after a long and drawn out story about his cooking abilities, I ended up making a lasagne and taking it with me.  I arrived at Peter’s place around 6pm with lasagne cooked.  We had a couple of drinks on the deck and then Peter asked me if I’d like to hear him sing a couple of songs he’d written accompanied by guitar.  It’s difficult to say no to that but after eight songs I’d pretty much had enough. One was even dedicated to his ex-lover, so beautiful and heartfelt.  Nice touch Peter.  But strumming away at the guitar wasn’t enough for Peter, oh no, he then moved onto the keyboards but kept making mistakes and so replayed and re-sang segments of the song till he got it right.  Five songs accompanied by the keyboard later, it was 10pm and I was squirming to get out of there.  Dried up Lasagne was served after that... 

Don’t get me wrong, I love a man that can cook and I have had some lovely meals prepared for me, just sometimes it goes horribly wrong (satayed in wrong sauce)!

Well readers, this year has been uneventful in the man department, in fact I have no dating experiences to impart to you since my last blog. Sure, there has been the odd flirt, perhaps a fleeting kiss, some random text messages, but nothing substantial that would make me want to share the details with you, or cause you any excitement. Even though I say there is no man action, there is always some “leftovers”  from previous relationships that keep in touch with random text messages when you least expect it.I was visiting my mum a couple of weekends ago, just chillin’ with the extended family, and three men contacted me on the Saturday.

What the? The first one was my previous long distance lover from a year ago who doesn’t seem to be able to let go of the past. He is only human I guess.

His text was totally  inappropriate so I let that one go through to the keeper. Later on that day, another text from someone I had met a month ago enquiring as to how I was? Again, totally random but no overtures of anything apart from a quick chit chat.  I’m just going to keep my options open with this one. Watch this space.

Later that evening the third text came in and left me feeling uncomfortable. It was from a man that I haven’t really had a relationship with, just someone I’ve known for a long time and had the occasional “fling” with. He has a long term girlfriend now and lives with her, but she was away on this particular night and so he thought I might like to “catch up”. This text was the most inappropriate because even if you’re unhappy with your partner it doesn’t mean that you can go looking for love (or whatever) elsewhere if you’re still living with them. I think that is pushing the boundaries too far. My response to his text was anything but favourable from his point of view, in fact I didn’t mince my words to let him know what I thought of him.

As much as a blast from the past can boost your confidence, I think past loves should be just that – “In the Past”.  We broke up with them for a reason and even though at times you feel lonely, it’s never any excuse to go back. 

 

In an attempt to find out more about the man psyche I have been reading the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray. The book is written with the purpose of helping the opposite sex deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies and to interpret behavioral patterns. I have to say that I am over half way through the book and have found some parts of it enlightening. The author tends to repeat a lot and affirm information so that it sinks in and you find yourself saying, “yes that happened to me and I could have handled the situation differently”, or, “that’s exactly what my partner’s like”. 
After reading this I have come to the conclusion that men are far more complex than women.  As women we have to deal with men going into their “caves” when the going gets tough. While in the “cave” (which is probably perched in front of the cricket with a beer in hand) we are not allowed to ask them what’s wrong or offer any advice on how we might fix their problems. In fact we just have to accept that they are probably not going to speak to us for an unspecified amount of time and deal with it. Men are also are inclined to pull away (like a rubber band) so they can re-evaluate the relationship (particularly if it’s getting very intimate and neither of you have had time to come up for air).  Again during this time we are to leave them be and they will spring back like the proverbial with a more loving attitude. Remember that men do not like women who come across as needy, so ladies act like you don’t care, go shopping or away with the girls for the weekend and whoop it up. 

Last night I finished the chapter on how to get a man to support you and do stuff for you. This is a three step process.  Firstly, stop using the word “could” for example: “could you please take out the garbage” .  Instead use the word “would”.  “Would you take out the garbage?”  See the difference?  “Could” comes across as demanding whereas “would” gives them a choice of saying yes or no.  Secondly, if a man says no to your request we say ok (and proceed to do it ourselves).  Because we have been nice about it and not had a full blown argument he’s more likely to do it next time you ask.  And thirdly, when you ask a man to do something, wait in silence while he grumbles and carries on like a pork chop, and eventually he will say yes because you aren’t getting angry and interrupting his rantings.  I am looking forward to testing this theory but honestly does it have to be this hard?

Tell us what you think?
 

Sorry for my absence over the last month or so, I have been on leave and nursing another broken heart.  That’s right, my Prince Charming turned out to be a toad -  I knew I shouldn’t have got excited about this one.

Things were going along swimmingly until I dared to say that my feelings were becoming somewhat deeper, at which point he put both hands up in the defensive pose, and said that he was “damaged goods” and couldn’t commit to a relationship. So, Prince Toadie, you can spend every free minute of your time with me, have meals cooked for you, get your washing done, have a drinking buddy and enjoy my company and affection, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of where the relationship is heading, you can’t commit?  I get it now... And quite frankly, I feel used.

So when is the right time to tell your significant other how you feel about them without the possibility of them running a mile? That’s a hard question and perhaps you just have to go with your gut feeling on this one, trust your waters! My gut feeling was that he would throw his hands up in defense and say he couldn’t commit, which was spot on in my case, but I had to know.  I didn’t want this going on and on and on… Sometimes you just “know” that things aren’t going the way or at the pace you want  and rather than let it get too serious it’s probably better to just take a deep breath and dive in like I did. Or you can just take a chill pill and enjoy the ride until it fizzes out!   

So, when you have finally met someone you really like what’s the correct procedure when it comes to phone calls and texting? Call me old fashioned (cause I am) but texting does my head in. In fact I would much prefer a man to make an effort and actually call me.  Sometimes there’s too much read into texts (pardon the pun) for example, you fire off a text to your significant other and he doesn’t answer for hours. What does that mean? Is he too busy to communicate? Has he lost interest? Is he playing a game and messing with your head? It could be any of the above OR NOT but by this stage you have worked yourself into a frenzy of ridiculous feelings of rejection. And this is not good for the relationship.
Sure phone calls can end up with the same outcome, especially if they are not answered, but at least the phone ringing makes a louder noise than a ping ping of a message, and you get to leave a voice message which is a bit more personal.
If you really are interested in someone though, then it’s always better to make an effort and keep the communication lines open. Ignoring a text, phone call and/or person is just bad form.  If you are genuinely not interested in the person, I suggest you politely say so, so that they know where they stand and don't end up stalking you for days.

Well for any of you that have been following my blog, firstly let me apologise for my tardiness in following up on the love situation. Exactly one month after visiting the psychic who told me that I would meet someone within the month (he even went as far as giving me his first initial), I can proudly announce that this person has, in fact, come into my life and with the correct initial as prophesised. I met him at Oktoberfest and we have been keeping company ever since.  Just when I thought there were no good men out there, I have to say that this one is ticking my boxes. He has a good job, is generous, caring and is doing all those handyman things around my house that I put on the back burner.  He’s sharpened my knives, fixed the microwave and changed the gas bottle on the bbq.  I haven’t quite got him mowing my lawn yet but I can feel in my waters that it isn’t too far away.  What can I say, do like a man that can handle a whipper snipper, out in my yard, sans shirt... ah!!! I know it’s still early days (and who knows where it will end up) but for the moment it’s nice to know that there are some decent guys out there. So don’t despair ladies, you might have to kiss a lot of toads to get there - but Prince Charming could just be around the corner.

It has now been three weeks since my therapy session with the clairvoyant and I do have some things to report. Exactly one week after my reading someone, who I have been out with a couple of times before, randomly emailed me. I hadn’t heard from him for two months. The reason we had not spoken in a while is because this man is time poor when it comes to relationships (even a friendship). After the last date he took three weeks to make contact and by that time I’d given up on him. Given the timing of the contact I had to wonder if it was indeed a sign. The Clairvoyant told me I had to go along with it and not resist.
So with an open mind I met up with him last weekend at a mutual friend’s dinner party. The sparks did fly and it was clear that we still fancied each other. I decided that it may be in my best interest to give this another go, but as it turns out he still cannot give me any of his time for the next two weeks. He is busy with work, busy with friends and just busy being busy. Call me old fashioned, but two weeks is a bit of a stretch if you are keen on someone. So maybe it’s not a sign, but just coincidence. Whatever the conclusion I definitely need proper therapy now...
 

Lately I’ve been feeling a little unloved in the man department. Sometimes you get to the point where you’re sick of putting yourself out there and getting no response, or getting a response from someone that is totally not your type and leaves you wondering if there is indeed someone for everyone. 

In times when I feel like this – stuck in a man/life rut – I usually take myself off for some therapy. Not just any kind of therapy – I’m talking the clairvoyant/fortune teller type of therapy. Now you may think that this is all “hocus pocus” and not therapy at all,  but I firmly believe one's life path is mapped out and if someone can give me the heads up on what is in the forseeable future, I’m all for it. 

This morning I spoke to a very spiritual man who communicates with people that have passed over into the "other side".  The first thing he said to me was that my life was lacking “love”. So true and so tragic! He then went on to say that either I am resisting a relationship with someone I have already met or that this person was so close to meeting me, it was like they were already in my life. 

He said things could happen in a week but definitely within a month. He even went as far to say that he would eat his own children if he wasn’t correct (OK, so I made that bit up for a bit of dramatic licence).

And so after talking about other stuff – kids, work, relatives, etc – I have to say I walked away from there feeling much better about myself knowing that love could possibly be no more than a week and at the most a month away. For you skeptics out there, I will keep you posted on my progress over the next month and should this eventuate, the children eating may pass over to you.

I was out the other night and met up with some friends at our local drinking hole. My friend Laura, recently separated and looking gorgeous with her newly straightened red tresses, was feeling ready to brave the dating scene again. 

There were two men in the group, both recently single, who were paying her a lot of attention. Leon, the builder, was lean, gorgeous, dark-haired and tanned, and had had a crush on Laura since university. Ted, the property developer, was nice-looking with piercing blue eyes and well-built.

Ted had just split with his wife and was looking for some affection – big time. Problem was, Laura had decided to focus her affections on Leon before she even got there, reasoning that Ted had too much baggage. Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that Ted thought he was in with a chance.  

The trouble started when I accidentally let on to Ted that Laura was gunning for Leon... bad move.  This made the competition even more intense.  There was only one thing to do.  I had to step in and distract Ted so Laura could sneak off with the hunky builder. Yep, I officially became the "wing man".

I'd planned to talk to Ted just long enough to give Laura time to disappear, but he ended up taking a real shine to me (seems he was looking for affection from anybody), and I found it almost impossible to excuse myself. An hour later, after listening to Ted pour his heart out to me, I finally managed to escape. 

I was happy to help my friend out but there is a point where you have to draw the line. Being a wing man is a time-consuming exercise, and listening to a complete stranger spill their guts about love and life is quite daunting, particularly when alcohol is involved.

Laura, I hope it was worth it!

Last week I met someone for a coffee. The circumstances surrounding this meeting were rather amusing as I had been out on the previous Saturday night with the girls and as per usual talked to many people in between glasses of Champagne.

On Monday morning there was an email waiting for me from John. Er, John who? My memory was totally blank. I rang my girlfriend to find out if she knew who this John person was and she said that there was a “John club” that night and it could have been one of three. Not helping me here…

I finally took a punt and asked if he was the John at our table when we arrived… yes, it appears he was. Why hadn’t I noticed him then? He wanted to catch up for a coffee and me being the inquisitive type and never letting a chance go by, met him on Wednesday.

He was at a coffee shop across the road from where I work and I could see him from the window (as could every other member of staff). He didn’t look familiar but once I met up with him I recalled him – vaguely. He was a nice man but totally not my type (whatever that is) but we had a pleasant time discussing the wonkatatedness of everyone the Saturday night before.

Blind dating may not be for everyone but there’s a certain excitement about plunging yourself into the unknown. Start with coffee and if the person isn’t who you expected, you can excuse yourself fairly quickly.  Just be aware that you may not be what they had envisioned either, so be polite. 

I was chatting with a friend the other night and she relayed a story to me about a first date she once had that turned up with his shirt tucked into the pocket of his jeans. Sure, he had a nice body, but is this the way to arrive for a first date – chest exposed?

I decided to put together a list of things that should be factored into a first date, because, let’s face it, first impressions do count.

Do not turn up for a first date partly dressed. Wear a shirt, guys, and gals, don’t have all your baps hanging out of your clothes.

Don’t turn up for the date hungover and reeking of alcohol.

Wear nice clothes. Crocs, Jesus sandals, harry high pants and joggers are a no-go.

Make an effort to smell nice. BO is a passion killer, so invest in a bottle of deodorant, perfume or aftershave (but leave the Old Spice in the cupboard with your stonewashed jeans).

If you are unsure how your breath smells, suck on a mint prior to the date and during the date if you’re expecting a snog.

Guys, have a shave. Girls have delicate skin and "pash rash" is not a good way to kick things off.

Be nicely manicured – no manky, dirty fingernails.

No belching or squeezing foul air out of your buttocks. In this respect, less is more.

Don’t get too "wonkatated" on alcohol. It’s a total turn-off. This rule is, however, waivered if your date is a dud and there is simply no other way to get through it.

Have a date rescue plan in place in case you need to bring things to a speedy close.

Girls, don’t act like a slapper – have some dignity. Guys, don’t drool like Homer Simpson.

Guys, don't act to macho or over the top. Show your soft side and those manners your Mum taught you. Open the door for your lady – you will win many brownie points there.

Girls, do offer to pay your way and don’t just expect him to foot the whole bill. Feminism, hello?

Don’t discuss religion, politics, size, age or weight issues. And most importantly, do not – I repeat, DO NOT – discuss your ex. No one wants to hear about or be compared to the last loser you went out with.

I met a guy out one night at a trendy bar in the Valley. He was nice looking and had a twinkle in his eye, and we got on from the get-go. We exchanged numbers and the following week organised a dinner date. 

On the drive to the date he casually put the radio on for a bit of background music. I started laughing, thinking this was his attempt at being funny, because the radio appeared to be stuck on the country music channel. Imagine my horror when he asked, “Don’t you like Troy Cassar-Daley?” and then proceeded to sing along while slapping his thighs.  

I am not a fan of country music. I don’t like the Cletus-like twang of the singing and if this guy was so into country music, it was going to affect everything. I can be a music nazi, so if he didn’t like my music and I didn’t like his, where would this relationship go? Can these differences be worked through, can there be compromise or do you get out before you start thigh slapping  and wearing an Akubra? 

I decided I wasn't going to be able to come to terms with Country Boy's taste in music, and my immediate reaction was to get the hell out of there. I think he felt the same as there were no further dates after that. Is not liking someone's taste in country music shallow or totally valid?    

What if, in your quest to find the perfect partner, you find someone compatible, charming and just your type. The only problem is, they live a plane flight away.

I decided to see if such a relationship could possibly work. I met Greg online through a Facebook application and we started chatting. We had a lot in common and after a few months we decided to meet up.

I can tell you on the day he arrived there was a lot of nervous pooing going on. Would I like him in the flesh, would he like me? I picked him up at the airport at the drive-through pickup area. Essentially it was like getting take-away meal – I had no idea if I was going to end up with what I ordered!

Fortunately we were both attracted to each other, and after the first meeting we decided to stay in touch. We would see each other every second weekend (when kids weren’t a factor) – he would fly to Brisbane or I would fly up north. There are some logistical problems associated with long-distance relationships and one of them is scheduling the flights. In order to get cheaper flights we were having to book six weeks in advance,  so spontaneity wasn't really possible. You can’t call randomly and say “Hey, I’m cooking lamb shanks, would you like to come over for dinner tonight?”.

Then there’s excessive phone bills after a million texts and phone calls because, let’s face it, you really have to work harder to keep a long-distance relationship going when there isn't a great deal of physical contact. We did, however, manage to Skype each other once a week – gotta love technology, especially when it’s free!

But what happens when the relationship starts getting serious? Will someone have to pack up their life and move to be with the other person, leaving offspring, work, friends and family behind? It’s a dilemma and one I could never get my head around.

In the end, though, it didn’t work for me – I wasn’t feeling the love enough to commit beyond the fortnightly jaunt. I do think, though, that if you find the right person it doesn’t really matter where they live. In the end you will make it work. So although long distance isn’t ideal, it’s definitely doable. Would I do it again? Probably not.

By Fanny Tastic, the love guru

With the internet widely used these days and so many dating sites available, it’s not uncommon to find love online. It’s definitely a good option considering the busy lives most of us lead, but it's necessarily easier than the dating scene of old.

Some dating sites make you enter so much detail about yourself by answering questions on a sliding scale of “not important to important”. And once you think you've dotted all the Is and crossed all the Ts,  you then have to write cheesy stuff about yourself and hope like hell that someone else likes your cheese and wants to put it on their cracker. The only way to navigate through this is to make sure you have a bottle of wine handy, and only answer questions about yourself once you are down to the last glass and the care factor has left the building. Bonus - at the end you are sent matches (faceless matches until you pay up) of possible suitors. 

I've met up with a few people on facebook and on RSVP.  One guy in particular had a photo of himself on line taken in the distance (about 30 years ago it turns out). This didn’t deter me though, and I organised to meet up with him at a pub in the city. Brian (not his real name – it’s Colin, actually) was a solicitor and from the moment we exchanged phone numbers he rang me constantly. He was charming and cheeky, just the way I like my men. He had a good job and he was ticking my boxes.  (My friend supplied me with a list as I didn’t know what I wanted). 

I arrived at the appointed time but with a friend from work as she was going to a function in the same building - it was just the way it went that day. Next thing – beep beep – text from Brian. Was I at the pub and what was I wearing? “Bright red shirt sitting with a blonde – can’t miss me,” I replied via SMS. The pub was not packed. Brian, my very brave solicitor, hid behind a pole on the other side of the bar and refused to come and say hello because he was shy.  I tried to coax him out from behind the pole, assuring  him I didn’t bite, but he was not budging. Soon after, I saw a bald, overweight man in a powder blue suit quickly exit the building and wondered if it was him, silently holding my breath.  Turns out it was. He sent me a text as he was leaving to say “it wasn’t the right environment to meet”. WTF?! He kept sending me texts on and off during the rest of the evening, which I ignored. Another text arrived the following morning wanting to know if I was still interested in meeting up with him.  Hello, Colin – you had your chance and you blew it, buddy!

If you are serious about meeting someone online, you need to be able to follow through with meeting them in person, otherwise what’s the point? Love may be a click away – for some.